Tuesday, September 6, 2011

First Month

Well, the first month of "trying to get pregnant" wasn't successful. I am sad, obviously, but I guess I never really expected this first month to pan out anyways. Last year, when I was in the medical study, I had 5 cycles in the study to attempt to get pregnant. The first cycle I was disappointed, but I knew we still had 4 left. After the second cycle was also negative, I started getting a little antsy. I never expected the third cycle to be successful for us - I'm not sure why. I guess I finally was able to relax that month and not think about it ALL THE TIME, so I just assumed we had relaxed a little too much. Plus, I didn't feel any "symptoms" before going to my appointment on January 11th. I can tell you, no one was more shocked than I was when the nurse popped her head in the door and said "it's positive!" Greg and I looked at each other and back at the nurse and we asked "really?" Then we sat in silence for a solid minute or two. Finally, the nurse said "this is why you're here, right?" Of course it was! We were just so shocked!

I still didn't truly believe that positive for another 2 days because they did some blood work that day and were supposed to call me back the next day, and instead, it took them 3 days to call me back! Finally, that Thursday night, I couldn't take it any longer and I took a home pregnancy test and lo and behold, it was positive! I called Greg and told him and he was like "well - they told us it was positive on Tuesday." Yes, I knew that, but I didn't believe it! I've had a positive pregnancy test before, only to start bleeding the very next day, so I guess you could say I was skeptical. I took a picture of that positive test on my phone that night and I was so scared, yet happy. Finally, on Friday afternoon, the nurse called and confirmed that I was indeed "very pregnant!"

I was so hoping to get to experience that excitement again a few days ago, but I guess it isn't our time yet. I know that God will allow me to get pregnant only when it is His will and according to His plan, so until then, I'm trying to remain patient. I'm going to be honest though...it's hard. I wish I didn't feel the need to be in control of things so badly, because in reality, I'm not in control at all! For several months now, I've been feeling like September was going to be the month I get pregnant again. I'm not sure if it's because Chase's due date is this month, or if it's because while it will be our 2nd medicated cycle trying to get pregnant, it will be our 3rd overall. It took us 3 cycles to get pregnant before, so I guess I have it in my head that it will take the same amount of time this time. I know, that really means nothing. But I can hope! Until then, I'm just going to keep praying for patience and that God will allow us to have more children.