To my sweet little boy

Dear Chase,

I miss you so much, my sweet little boy. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me - being pregnant with you, and getting to be your Mommy. I wish so much that you were still here with us, safe inside of me. But you are with Jesus, and in all honesty, I know that you are in better hands there than you would be here. It is the selfish part of me that wants you here with me. I wanted to be able to hold you, rock you, nurse you, cuddle you, tickle you, teach you. I wanted to see who you would have looked like, what personality you would have had, what your interests would have been. We were lucky enough to get to see and hold you after you were born. You were so much more beautiful than I could have even imagined. You look a lot like your Daddy. You have his legs, knees, jawline, mouth and possibly eyes. You do have one thing of Mommy's though - you have my nose. I'm not sure what color hair you would have had, if it would have been straight like mine or curly like your Dad's. I'm also not sure what color eyes you would have had, but I know they would have melted my heart. I think about you every moment of every day. I may be able to have conversations with people and watch tv, but part of my thoughts are always on you. I honestly hope that never changes - it makes me feel connected to you. I used to be scared to die and go to Heaven, but now I would be happy to go to Heaven so I could join you. Please save a place for me and Daddy, sweet boy. We will join you as soon as we can. Until then, enjoy singing with the angels and playing in paradise.

All of my love,
Mommy