Who knew painting my toenails could be so emotional?

So earlier today, I was talking with a friend about pedicures. It reminded me of the last pedicure I got - the weekend before Chase was born. My brother-in-law was getting married, so I went with my mother-in-law and two of her friends to get pedicures before the big day. I got a very light pink color on my fingernails and toenails. Little did I know this color would become significant to me. Five days after my brother and sister-in-laws' wedding, I gave birth to Chase. Chase was born on April 21 and I didn't remove (what was left of) my light pink nail polish on my toenails until last Friday, July 22 - almost 3 months to the day. My fingernail polish has long since been removed because it was chipping, so I took it off probably a week or two later. I kept looking at my toenails thinking "Euuw...I really need to re-paint those" but then I would remember that I got that nail polish when Chase was with me. He was with me that day, at my brother-in-law's wedding and for five more days after that. I wore that light pink nail polish when I was in labor with him, and after, when I held his beautiful, lifeless body. I don't know why, but it was so hard for me to remove that nail polish. It was sad for me after I took it off of my fingernails, and maybe that's why I held off taking it off of my toenails? I'm not sure...but now that I have, I feel like it was a big step for me, however stupid it may sound. I will never forget my sweet little Chase, but at some point, I have to start moving on with my life. I won't be moving on by myself though - I have Greg by my side all the time, the Lord who is my strength, and I'll be carrying my sweet Chase in my heart.